walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
