Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
