mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
