okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
