Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
