If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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