You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
