oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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