Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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