You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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