I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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