This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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