It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i came on her dog
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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