apparently the secret to your success is patron
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
