Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
