There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
