what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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