every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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