Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
