just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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