her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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