well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
