AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
