i think i have herpe
just one?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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