My sheets look like a crime scene.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
