i jhust puked up my retainher.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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