sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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