I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
