What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
