Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is classic penis vs brain.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
