I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
