but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
