How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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