you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
