I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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