she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
