wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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