Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
