I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
