Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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