Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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