i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
