I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
