I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
