Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
