Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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