She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this is an emotional support booty call
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
