new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
