I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
