I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
