he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
