i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
