She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
