just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
