her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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